Capitalism sucks: Hose mender edition

[squirrelitude]

Last year the end of one of our garden hoses was crushed in the process of a large dead tree being taken down. I'd like to repair it, which apparently involves buying a "mender" -- you cut off the end of the hose, jam the barbed/ridged end of the mender into it, and then tighten the hose down onto the mender. The other end of the mender is a male or female hose fitting, or another insert so you can cut a hose and put it back together where it got a tear. Seems simple enough.

...until you look at the reviews. A number of these have a sizeable fraction of reviews saying that the menders leak, break on installation, or fall apart over time. Some of the menders have plastic threading, which is soft and tends to get chewed up by metal threads, and if you ever crossthread it then that's the end, it's toast. Or they just get brittle from being in sunlight, and then crack. And the metal menders, well... you don't want to mix metals; many are made of aluminum or zinc, which will corrode and leak/bind if screwed onto a fitting with another metal, and brass seems to be the standard. Some of the menders are labeled "brass" but it turns out they're just plated, which reportedly makes the corrosion problem worse. If you do manage to find one that's "solid brass", often it has internal plastic parts or a plastic retainer ring that cracks.

(Similar problems for valves and other fittings, with additional exciting problems like "the handle is plastic and snaps off", "the handle corrodes the valve", "the valve is too tight and doesn't turn readily"...)

Why can't we have nice things?

Comments

[greenstorm]

Hoses are terrible. The only thing worse than hoses is carrying water by hand.

[chamaenerion]

Seconded. I've never encountered a hose that really did everything it was supposed to do without issues.

[yarrowkat]

this is an all-the-time maintenance issue on my farm. we use the blocky-shaped metal menders*, and they generally last 2-3 years without issues, even with the heavy use they get on the farm here. The ones with the smaller barb and the strip of metal you tighten with a screw, tend to come loose and also are hard on your hands if you're moving hoses around a lot. just make sure you get the right size of mender - check if your hoses are 1/2" or 3/4" (internal diameter) before buying.

*this kind: https://www.walmart.com/ip/Garden-Hose-Repair-Fittings-with-Clamps-Aluminum-Mender-Female-and-Male-Hose-End-Connector-with-Zinc-Clamp-Fit-for-5-8-Inch-and-3-4-Inch-Garden-Hose/755957628

[squirrelitude]

Oooh yeah, good point on the metal hose clamps being hard on the hands. I did see one person forego the hose clamp and use a trimmed plastic zip-tie, which would still be a little pointy but maybe not as bad (if you can get it tight enough!)

I think our hoses are 5/8", but a lot of the garden hose supplies online aren't listed with sizes. -.- I think 5/8" is the standard for home & garden hoses, but I'm probably going to have to return at least a few things to the store before I'm done.