Scamperings

Sigh. I had a story, the first paragraph, and now it's gone. It was in my head walking to the subway. And I thought I could grab it again...when I got on my computer tonight. But alas, it's gone. It'll come back again if need be. I may have to purchase the Tiles Survival Video Game to reprise it.

I learned a valuable lesson this week? When correcting someone or editing, be careful of tone. This is easier said than done? I am doing a lot of editing now - and it requires a lot of patience. Often I am correcting the same mistakes over and over and over again. And the mistakes from my perspective appear to be obvious? Like how can they not know this? And I often have to re-write my comments, and rewrite my emails multiple times, to ensure that my tone is okay.

On the internet it's remarkably easy to screw up with tone, resulting in miscommunications and fights and hurt feelings.

I've been corrected this week - by people who were careful with their tone, and by people who either don't understand tone or aren't careful. Precision in words doesn't always matter as much as how you choose to phrase them. After all, if your phrasing and tone is off - then your reader isn't understanding your words and they fall on death ears. Your intentions will be misunderstood.

I define tone by how I write the sentence. Not just the words that I chose, but the actual phrasing. I think of writing as a means of communicating thoughts, expression, emotion, facts, and information among other things (that I can't think of at the moment), and tone conveys the writers intent to the reader. Also emotion can affect tone - if you are writing from a place of frustration, irritation, impatience, or rage - it will be reflected in your tone. Because you aren't speaking orally - the emotion or intent often has to be conveyed through phrasing.

I've learned that tone in writing matters. So many miscommunications happen because of tone. I've lost count of the number of posts and comments that I've either walked away from or deleted because of the tone. Or the number of correspondents that I've parted ways with because of tone. When my tone is condescending or patronizing - I shut down the listener or reader - they stop hearing me. They stop reading. Instead of engaging their mind, I've engaged their emotions.

Writing carefully takes practice. It's an art. And it is hard to do on social media. I struggle with it. Some are better at it than others. It of course helps if you don't write in anger or frustration.

So many on the internet write carelessly, with little to no regard to the reader. You should care about the reader. We aren't posting our words to the abyss. And as a reader, you should care about the writer.

We should ask ourselves prior to responding directly to any post on the internet - whether it wise? Is it useful? Is it kind? Can we write our response in a way that the reader will respond favorably, and not get upset? Would we respond favorably to that response or comment or would we respond in anger? Do not post anything that makes you think you are clever or smarter or better than another. Or makes you feel superior to the person who posted? Leave your ego at the curb.

This is also hard to do in internet correspondence. I think sometimes it is really hard for people to hear each other? They are so caught up in their own heads they can't hear the other person?

I saw this great little bit on FB recently, where the commentator stated that "when someone is sharing their story with you - listen to it, without thinking about your own. Our tendency is to want to share our own similar story with the other person, as opposed to just hearing and responding to theirs. An example is - if I were to show you around my home or office, and your immediate response is - let me show you mine now."

I'm trying to get better at all of these things. But alas I am a work in progress as are we all. I'm also trying to forgive and be patient with those at work, on DW, in personal life, facebook, fandom, social media platforms, what have you - whose tone is often condescending and hurtful - and try to remember I don't know what their day was like? I don't know what they are feeling right now? Maybe a loved one died? Maybe work pissed them off? Maybe they want to lash out at the world?

It is hard sometimes, I think, to remember this? That in the end, we are all just doing time on planet earth the best that we are able. And sometimes we need to vent into the void without anyone kicking us for it?

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